The eye of the assessor
In order to take my coaching badges, I first have to prove I can lead a simple warm-up and run. Which turns out to be way harder than expected
I haven’t been formally assessed since I was at university many moons ago. I’ve been judged and critiqued, of course. Every book I’ve written has been reviewed, often in national newspapers. Every time I stand up to do a talk in front of a live audience, or every time I record a podcast, I’m vaguely aware that in their heads people are making judgements. That’s not a bad thing, it helps me stick to the subject, to not waffle, to keep things interesting. Shucks, even every Monday Musings is a little like an essay in that many readers will micro assess to decide whether it’s really worth their time and money.
But still, most of the time, in my writing, podcasting and even when I’m speaking, I keep that sense of being judged in the background, and allow myself to be as fully engaged as possible in the process. My motivation for doing these things is integral to the thing itself, and I want to do it well primarily for the satisfaction and pleasure of producing something worthwhile, something of which I can be proud. The feedback and approval of others is secondary to that.
But last Friday, I was doing something purely to gain the approval of others. And that changed everything.